Cormac McCarthy’s Ex-Wife Pulled a Gun Out of Her Vagina During an Argument About Aliens

There’s a headline I never dreamed I’d see.

In the annals of bizarre crime stories, even Cormac McCarthy couldn’t come up with one this bizarre. Some sort of sexy version (?) of “guess where I put my gun, honey” turned ugly when 48-year-old Jennifer McCarthy of New Mexico (no, not that Jenny McCarthy) pulled a firearm out of her vagina (where else?) and pointed it at her boyfriend’s head after a dispute over aliens (what else?) got a little too heated.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, McCarthy, reportedly stormed out during a fight over extraterrestrial life with her unnamed boyfriend and then returned with a plan for vengeance. The police report describes how she went to her bedroom, dressed up in lingerie, put the gun in a place no guns should go, then somehow performed an unspecified sex act with the gun insider her. Naturally, that was just a prelude to pulling the gun out, pointing it at her boyfriend, and asking the presumably rhetorical question “Who is crazy, you or me?”

I think not only the anonymous boyfriend, but also perhaps the celebrity ex-husband writer Cormac McCarthy, dodged a bullet in getting divorced from her…

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Chef hacked his boss with meat cleaver because she was ‘like a female Gordon Ramsay’

Well, can you blame him? 😉 (j/k)

A Chinese chef who hacked his boss with a meat cleaver because she was “like a female Gordon Ramsay” has been jailed.

Lianjun Sun, 51, lashed out when Ruo Jun Tian shouted at him for not preparing vegetables to her perfectionist demands.

Sun told a court that Tian, 50, tapped him on the chest with a knife and told him: “I could easily kill you.”

He then lost his temper, picked up a cleaver from a nearby chopping board and delivered two sickening blows to her neck.

The first left an injury 12cm long from the midline of her throat to her left ear.

The second to the back of the neck fractured the top of her spine – missing her spinal column by just a single millimetre.

Tian’s screams alerted fellow workers at the New China takeaway in Ipswich, Suffolk and paramedics rushed her to hospital for two life-saving operations.

Sun hid the cleaver under a fridge before returning home to change his bloodstained clothing.

He was later arrested and charged with attempted murder.

His top with blood on it and blood-stained tissues were found at his home while the meat cleaver was eventually found in some undergrowth.

Sun, of Ipswich was cleared of attempted murder and the judge accepted his guilty plea to the charge of inflicting grievous bodily harm.

He was jailed for ten years at Ipswich Crown Court today.

Det Sgt Carl Dye said: “This was a truly horrific and brutal attack on the victim, one I am sure will take her many years to get over both psychologically and physically.”

Ms Tian’s ex-husband Michael Wan said she liked everything to be perfect in her kitchen and behaved like a female version of Gordon Ramsay.

He told the court: “She’s a person who wants things done properly. It’s like ‘Hell’s Kitchen’.

“If you watch Hell’s Kitchen Gordon Ramsay says ‘I want this. I want that to happen’.

“She’s got a mouth like Gordon Ramsay but is a woman.”

He should have swung the cleaver at her the minute she tapped him on the chest with the knife and told him she could kill him; then he could have at least claimed self-defense, and gotten off on a lesser charge.

Hey, if you’re going to be that impulsive, might as well be quicker on the draw… (Actually, he should have just quit on the spot. Why would you want to work for her a second longer? He could be working somewhere else; now, he gets to rot in jail for ten years… Ah well; maybe he can help make Chinese food in the prison kitchen…)

A Surprising Number of Bank Robbers Use Mass Transit for Their ‘Getaway’

So civic-minded…

Just yesterday a man (allegedly) robbed $500 from a bank in metro Philadelphia only to get apprehended on a SEPTA bus. The same thing happened to a bank thief (alleged) in British Columbia in late April; a bus driver noticed a passenger acting “a little strange” — he cut in front of a wheelchair to board, then stashed some clothes under a seat — and told the police. Late last year, a man was arrested on the Long Island Railroad carrying a cash register from a robbery (alleged-ish) the night before.

The recent spate is not unique. If headlines are any indicator, 2012 was a banner year for transit-riding-bank robbers. A man (allegedly) held up a bank in Cambridge, Massachusetts, only to be caught on an MBTA bus after the teller slipped a GPS device into the bag. Meanwhile a metro Boston woman (allegedly) hit a series of banks, taking the bus from one heist to the next. A man was stopped on the D.C. Metro after (allegedly) robbing a bank in Washington, and the same thing happened to a Portland bank robber who boarded the MAX light rail system right after his (alleged) crime.

The trend seemed to pick up after the market crash. Back in late 2007, a St. Paul man robbed a bank (allegedly) and, perhaps realizing the flaw in his plan, tried to “hail” a Metro Transit bus. The Twin Cities got hit again in 2009, when a Minneapolis man held up a bank (allegedly) for $3,760 then was arrested on a bus carrying $3,740; he’d used $20 for a fare card. He hadn’t purchased a fare card ahead of time. A metro Atlanta bank robber didn’t even make it on board in 2008; after flubbing the (alleged) crime, he was caught waiting for a MARTA bus. After a bank robber (alleged) in San Jose was caught on a light rail train in 2010, a police spokesman said the transit getaway was “not something I’ve heard of before.”

Must be a rookie.

It’s not just a digital-age-bizarre-news-loving thing. A quick scan of the New York Times archive brings up the case of Annie Cobbins of Providence back in 1979. Cobbins (allegedly) held up Industrial National’s main branch one morning, then made her way to a Rhode Island Public Transit Authority bus stop a few steps from the bank entrance. She was nabbed on board two minutes later, according to the Associated Press. “There are getaway cars and there are getaway cars,” said one police official.

A Rat is Identified as a Suspect in a Crime

Bonus weirdness: the story is about America, but I found it on a Nigerian website, which made for an interesting quote, below.

wichita

Obviously, this shouldn’t be news to us in Nigeria as we all know what rats can do. But police in Wichita, Kansas, USA held a press conference, releasing a sketch of whom they were suspecting was responsible of tampering with their property in the department building. They have determined that a rat has chewed into packages of marijuana. It was uncertain whether it seems the rat just wanted to get high all on its own or it was acting with an accomplice.