Size doesn’t matter. Newlyweds Mr and Mrs Hedley could have told you that. He was more than 6ft tall. She was 32 inches high.
They married in South Shields in 1891, in a scene that could have been plucked from the sweat-drenched dream of a malarial vicar. The bridesmaids were a 44-stone American and a performing “fire queen” called Satanella. The best man was 7ft 10in. One of the guests was 29 inches tall. All the wedding party were from a “menagerie circus” which was travelling the country.
Q: Why did the basketball player marry the midget?
A: He was nuts over her!
You’d have to have a heart of stone to read the following (from here) and not laugh.
Life hadn’t been kind to Jack McKenna. His wife ran off with his best friend and left for America. His daughter was dying of influenza. He, too, was struck down with the flu. Only a few shillings stood between him and starvation.
Even when fate finally smiled on him, it was more of a mischievous grin.
In January 1892, a well-dressed woman breezed up to the workhouse in Deptford, London and asked for Jack by name. When shown to his room, the Leeds Mercury reported, she fell to her knees and begged his forgiveness. It was his estranged wife, back from California, where his ex-best friend had made a fortune in the gold-fields. He was now dead, and his wife wanted to pick up where they’d left off.
But in a plot…
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There was no kiss for the bride. No honeymoon away. And no chance of a happy-ever-after. Just a woe-heavy wedding service that segued neatly into a funeral.
In Florida in 1881, a love-struck man by the name of Bradley married a corpse.
He was a salesman from Utah, who had met the woman of his dreams on his travels. Alas, she was dying of consumption.
Undeterred, he proposed and she accepted. Plans were made for a speedy union. But the poor bride-to-be died before the date they had set.
“Now comes the most remarkable, and what has been, with justice, termed the most unpleasant and discreditable part of the tale,” sniffed the Illustrated Police News.
Bradley had solemnly promised he wouldn’t let his sweetheart go to the grave unmarried.
And so her coffin was taken into the church – bridesmaids rubbing shoulders with…
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Didn’t they learn anything from the Afrikaners and Brits?
Ah well; it could be worse; he could have married a crocodile…
Joel Vasquez Rojas, the mayor of San Pedro Huamelula, married the reptile – dressed in a white gown – at the city hall and then shared a dance in front of packed party of local residents.
According to local tradition, the crocodile is a princess whose marriage to the town mayor will bring in an abundance of seafood for fisherman on the Pacific coast.
‘As young people, this means a lot,’ said local resident Eduardo Zarate.
‘It’s the greatest treasure our ancestors have left us.’
For safety, the crocodile’s jaw was wired shut for the day.
‘It is my wish to marry the young princess,’ said Mr Vasquez Rojas as the pair were married.
Local council members funded the event, with those who didn’t contribute issued with a fine.
The festivities included dancing and fireworks, and the groom told reporters he was delighted with how the day went.
To accompany that British tabloid piece about that Mexican news story, here’s a YouTube clip about it from some news source in India:
Strange; I’m pretty sure the Vatican doesn’t require any such thing of married clergy who convert and become Catholic priests.