Twitter parody of Dan Brown – “Nunferno”

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Chapter 1 Famed symbologist Dirk Langdon stared at the albino nun. Who was she? Why was she on a motorbike? And why had she just shot him?—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) April 15, 2013

 

Chapter 2 Langdon awoke in a crisp, clean hospital bed. He stared blearily out of the window at the Eiffel Tower and frowned. Where was he?—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) April 17, 2013

 

Chapter 3 ‘You’re a very lucky man, Mr Langdon, 46,’ said renowned surgeon Marcel Pontneuf, 53, staring down at his recumbent patient . .—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 13, 2013

 

. . . The chisel-cheeked doctor continued, handsomely. ‘If that bullet had been one inch further to the left it would have hit your body.’—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 13, 2013

 

Langdon, 46, leapt from his bed. ‘I must get to the Louvre!’ he cried, racing down the corridor like a leopard on its hind legs. #inferno—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 14, 2013

 

Langdon, 46, frowned as he stared at the painting. There was something wrong, but what? Wait, of course – dogs can’t play poker! #inferno—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 14, 2013

 

Langdon, 46, gazed at the Mona Lisa, 24, by renowned Leonardo da Vinci, dead. There was something enigmatic about her smile. But what?—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 15, 2013

 

Langdon, 46, braced himself as the TZX-200 began to move. It wasn’t quite as fast as the TZX-300 but still one of the best elevators around.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 15, 2013

 

Suddenly there was an explosion. Renowned symbologist Dirk Langdon, 46, shot out of the elevator like a baby, 6 months, out of a microwave.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 15, 2013

 

As the smoke cleared, Langdon, 46, stared in horror at the celebrated Venus de Milo by renowned statue sculptor De Milo. HER ARMS HAD GONE!—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 16, 2013

 

Langdon sat bemused in his hotel room. Who had caused the explosion? Why did someone want to kill him? And how did you get porn on the TV?—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 16, 2013

 

Langdon opened the brown door. ‘Hello renowned symbologist, Mr Langdon, 46,’said the unknown woman, 23. ‘Hello unknown woman,’ said Langdon.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 17, 2013

 

‘My name is Carla Bugatti,’ said the attractive woman, ‘Come with me.’ ‘Where?’ asked Langdon, 46, questioningly. ‘Venice, Italy,’ she said.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 17, 2013

 

Chapter 4 ‘OK,’ said Langdon.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 17, 2013

 

Chapter 5 Carla’s skin radiated an iridescent luminescence found only on pearls fished off the east coast of Guam. And the new Nissan Micra.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 17, 2013

 

Langdon, 46, stared at Carla, 23. Her lips were full like IKEA on a Sunday and her eyes smouldered like a sack of kittens on a barbecue.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 18, 2013

 

Langdon, 46, cultivated a highly individual style – with his distinctive Harris tweed jacket, Somerset loafers and black leather hot pants.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 19, 2013

 

The stealth 747 touched down at Venice International Airport, Venice. ‘Why are we here?’asked Langdon. ‘AND WHY IS THAT NUN SHOOTING AT US?’—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 19, 2013

 

The albino nun leapt onto her BMW motorbike and sped off into the dark Venice night like a panther. Only whiter. And on a motorbike.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 19, 2013

 

‘Why is that nun trying to kill me?’ ‘OK’ said Carla, ‘I’ll start at the very beginning.’ Langdon nodded, ‘A very good place to start.’—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

Carla, 23, removed her red Luis Vuitton beret and her dark tresses tumbled down her alabaster shoulders like orphans down a fire escape.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

Carla took a note from her bag. ‘What is that?’ asked Langdon. ‘A $2,000 deerskin Dolce & Gabbana with optional shoulder strap’ she replied.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

‘What does this strange symbol mean?’ she asked. ‘I’m not certain,’ said Langdon, ‘But I think it says the artist formerly known as Prince.’—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

It’s a mystery, thought Langdon, 46. Like the mystery of renowned monster, The Loch Ness Monster of Scotlandshire,England. Or Justin Bieber.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

Langdon, 46,’s brow furrowed in confusion. Like a field being ploughed by a horse-drawn plough pulled by a horse. A very confused horse.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

‘Only one place will provide the answer’ said Langdon. ‘The Vatican?’ asked Carla. ‘No’ said Langdon, ‘The Sexy-Sexy Go-Go Club, Amsterdam.’—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 20, 2013

 

AMSTERDAM, thought Langdon, city of windmills! And the only city in Europe you can legally purchase coffee from a registered drug dealer.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 21, 2013

 

Suddenly a single gunshot pierced the Amsterdam night and Carla, 23, fell to the ground like a pensioner from a hot air balloon.—
Dan Vinci’s Nunferno (@Nunferno) May 21, 2013