Diaper-wearing astronaut jailed in love triangle plot

12.5 years ago but I just learned about it; in Florida, of course:

A NASA astronaut who was arrested after driving hundreds of miles to confront a romantic rival, appeared in court this morning facing charges that included attempted kidnapping, and was ordered released on $15,500 bond.

The astronaut, Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew on a shuttle mission last summer, mostly kept her head down during the preliminary appearance in an Orange County, Fla. court, but nodded and said yes a few times when the judge explained that she was not to have any contact with the other woman, identified as Colleen Shipman, a captain in the Air Force, according to media reports.

Nowak, who is a Navy captain working for NASA, was also ordered to wear a tracking device.

The Orlando police allege that Nowak drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando wearing adult diapers used in space and disguised herself in a dark wig, glasses and trench coat to confront Shipman in the parking lot of Orlando International Airport, according to a police affidavit. Nowak considered her a rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut, Bill Oefelein, according to the affidavit.

The Orlando police said that Nowak followed Shipman to a parking lot at the airport, where Shipman entered her car. Nowak approached the car window and tried to open the door. When Shipman would not open the door, Nowak began to cry, the police said. Shipman cracked the window, and Nowak sprayed pepper spray into the vehicle.

She later told police, that was stupid, according to the affidavit.

Not stupid; just psycho jealous bitch behaviour.

Crazy cross-eyed woman arrested for training squirrels to attack her ex-boyfriend

Yeah.

I’m not only crazy; I look Hollywood-stereotype crazed!

45-year old Janice Smith was arrested this morning by officers of the Detroit Police Department, for allegedly capturing numerous squirrels and training them to attack her former lover.

The victim, 51-year old James Robinson, was presumably attacked by the rodents on more than a dozen occasions over the last month.

These attacks caused him many serious injuries, including the loss of two fingers and one testicle, bitten off by his attackers.

The poor man had no idea why squirrels kept attacking him until he saw his ex-girlfriend, a former circus animal trainer, cheering the animals during one of the attacks.

“She was partially hidden behind some bushes, but I could clearly see her and hear her. She was yelling orders at the squirrels and telling them to attack me.”

(Hat tip.)

IS bans pigeon breeding – punishable by public flogging – because seeing birds’ genitals overhead offends Islam

Yeah.

Senior clerics fighting for the Islamic State in Syria and Iraq have issued a diktat banning pigeon breeding as they claim the sight of the birds’ genitals as they fly overhead is offensive to Islam.

Jihadis operating in the group’s ‘Euphrates province’, which stretches from Anbar in Iraq to Dier ez Zour in Syria, told pigeon breeders they had one week to stop the practice or face public flogging.

The announcement isn’t the first time ISIS has targeted the apparently blasphemous practice of pigeon breeding – a popular pastime in the Middle East.

Earlier this year it was claimed that 15 boys had been arrested and at least three of them executed by ISIS militants in Iraq’s eastern Diyala governate after fighters took exception to their pigeon breeding hobby on the grounds that it stopped them spending their time worshipping Allah.

The solution is clear: pigeons must be made to wear burkas, when out in public, flying around etc. In the privacy of their nests, they can be unclothed, as long as no-one else is around, to see them naked. 😉

Mr. Incredible convicted of attacking Batgirl on Hollywood Boulevard; stopped in attack by Chewbacca

Another day in L.A.…

LOS ANGELES  – A man who dresses as the comic superhero Mr. Incredible has been sentenced to 3 years probation after pleading guilty to attacking a woman costumed as Batgirl in a Hollywood Boulevard turf dispute, prosecutors said on Tuesday.

Muhammet Bilik, 35, was also ordered to attend anger management therapy, perform 20 days of roadside cleanup and stay away from the so-called Hollywood Entertainment District where the spat erupted.

Man smashed up psychic girlfriend’s car after prophecy his grandma would use a sex toy on him in a dream

Okay…

A man has been accused of smashing up his psychic girlfriend’s car after she predicted he would fantasise about his dead gran using a sex toy on him.

Casey Molter took exception to his mystic partner’s latest premonition, detailed in a police report.

She prophesized that his late grandmother would appear to him in a dream and “commit an unusual sex act to him involving an adult erotic device”.

Police claim that the 28-year-old “could not get the image out of his head and he snapped,” smashing up her 1997 Nissan Altima in an alleged retribution.

Officers rushed to a house in Vero Beach, Florida, in November last year, when alerted to the alleged incident.

Oh, Florida.

Of course.

Psst, buddy: wanna buy a road?

From a recent edition of the print-only publication Coffee News:

Man Shows Up for Mugshot Wearing Previous Mugshot on His Shirt

Points for style. 🙂

So you’ve just been arrested, and you’re wondering what you should wear when you’re booked into jail. Worry not, as there’s one surefire way to nail it with style and grace: just wear any old shirt, but print the mugshot from a previous arrest on the front. You’ll knock ’em out.

Take Robert Burt, for example, a 19-year old who began a short sentence for drunken driving earlier this month. When he showed up to be processed, he wore a smart orange tee—a little baggy in the shoulders, maybe—with his arrest photo, from June, on the front.

Cormac McCarthy’s Ex-Wife Pulled a Gun Out of Her Vagina During an Argument About Aliens

There’s a headline I never dreamed I’d see.

In the annals of bizarre crime stories, even Cormac McCarthy couldn’t come up with one this bizarre. Some sort of sexy version (?) of “guess where I put my gun, honey” turned ugly when 48-year-old Jennifer McCarthy of New Mexico (no, not that Jenny McCarthy) pulled a firearm out of her vagina (where else?) and pointed it at her boyfriend’s head after a dispute over aliens (what else?) got a little too heated.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, McCarthy, reportedly stormed out during a fight over extraterrestrial life with her unnamed boyfriend and then returned with a plan for vengeance. The police report describes how she went to her bedroom, dressed up in lingerie, put the gun in a place no guns should go, then somehow performed an unspecified sex act with the gun insider her. Naturally, that was just a prelude to pulling the gun out, pointing it at her boyfriend, and asking the presumably rhetorical question “Who is crazy, you or me?”

I think not only the anonymous boyfriend, but also perhaps the celebrity ex-husband writer Cormac McCarthy, dodged a bullet in getting divorced from her…

Chef hacked his boss with meat cleaver because she was ‘like a female Gordon Ramsay’

Well, can you blame him? 😉 (j/k)

A Chinese chef who hacked his boss with a meat cleaver because she was “like a female Gordon Ramsay” has been jailed.

Lianjun Sun, 51, lashed out when Ruo Jun Tian shouted at him for not preparing vegetables to her perfectionist demands.

Sun told a court that Tian, 50, tapped him on the chest with a knife and told him: “I could easily kill you.”

He then lost his temper, picked up a cleaver from a nearby chopping board and delivered two sickening blows to her neck.

The first left an injury 12cm long from the midline of her throat to her left ear.

The second to the back of the neck fractured the top of her spine – missing her spinal column by just a single millimetre.

Tian’s screams alerted fellow workers at the New China takeaway in Ipswich, Suffolk and paramedics rushed her to hospital for two life-saving operations.

Sun hid the cleaver under a fridge before returning home to change his bloodstained clothing.

He was later arrested and charged with attempted murder.

His top with blood on it and blood-stained tissues were found at his home while the meat cleaver was eventually found in some undergrowth.

Sun, of Ipswich was cleared of attempted murder and the judge accepted his guilty plea to the charge of inflicting grievous bodily harm.

He was jailed for ten years at Ipswich Crown Court today.

Det Sgt Carl Dye said: “This was a truly horrific and brutal attack on the victim, one I am sure will take her many years to get over both psychologically and physically.”

Ms Tian’s ex-husband Michael Wan said she liked everything to be perfect in her kitchen and behaved like a female version of Gordon Ramsay.

He told the court: “She’s a person who wants things done properly. It’s like ‘Hell’s Kitchen’.

“If you watch Hell’s Kitchen Gordon Ramsay says ‘I want this. I want that to happen’.

“She’s got a mouth like Gordon Ramsay but is a woman.”

He should have swung the cleaver at her the minute she tapped him on the chest with the knife and told him she could kill him; then he could have at least claimed self-defense, and gotten off on a lesser charge.

Hey, if you’re going to be that impulsive, might as well be quicker on the draw… (Actually, he should have just quit on the spot. Why would you want to work for her a second longer? He could be working somewhere else; now, he gets to rot in jail for ten years… Ah well; maybe he can help make Chinese food in the prison kitchen…)

A Surprising Number of Bank Robbers Use Mass Transit for Their ‘Getaway’

So civic-minded…

Just yesterday a man (allegedly) robbed $500 from a bank in metro Philadelphia only to get apprehended on a SEPTA bus. The same thing happened to a bank thief (alleged) in British Columbia in late April; a bus driver noticed a passenger acting “a little strange” — he cut in front of a wheelchair to board, then stashed some clothes under a seat — and told the police. Late last year, a man was arrested on the Long Island Railroad carrying a cash register from a robbery (alleged-ish) the night before.

The recent spate is not unique. If headlines are any indicator, 2012 was a banner year for transit-riding-bank robbers. A man (allegedly) held up a bank in Cambridge, Massachusetts, only to be caught on an MBTA bus after the teller slipped a GPS device into the bag. Meanwhile a metro Boston woman (allegedly) hit a series of banks, taking the bus from one heist to the next. A man was stopped on the D.C. Metro after (allegedly) robbing a bank in Washington, and the same thing happened to a Portland bank robber who boarded the MAX light rail system right after his (alleged) crime.

The trend seemed to pick up after the market crash. Back in late 2007, a St. Paul man robbed a bank (allegedly) and, perhaps realizing the flaw in his plan, tried to “hail” a Metro Transit bus. The Twin Cities got hit again in 2009, when a Minneapolis man held up a bank (allegedly) for $3,760 then was arrested on a bus carrying $3,740; he’d used $20 for a fare card. He hadn’t purchased a fare card ahead of time. A metro Atlanta bank robber didn’t even make it on board in 2008; after flubbing the (alleged) crime, he was caught waiting for a MARTA bus. After a bank robber (alleged) in San Jose was caught on a light rail train in 2010, a police spokesman said the transit getaway was “not something I’ve heard of before.”

Must be a rookie.

It’s not just a digital-age-bizarre-news-loving thing. A quick scan of the New York Times archive brings up the case of Annie Cobbins of Providence back in 1979. Cobbins (allegedly) held up Industrial National’s main branch one morning, then made her way to a Rhode Island Public Transit Authority bus stop a few steps from the bank entrance. She was nabbed on board two minutes later, according to the Associated Press. “There are getaway cars and there are getaway cars,” said one police official.