Diaper-wearing astronaut jailed in love triangle plot

12.5 years ago but I just learned about it; in Florida, of course:

A NASA astronaut who was arrested after driving hundreds of miles to confront a romantic rival, appeared in court this morning facing charges that included attempted kidnapping, and was ordered released on $15,500 bond.

The astronaut, Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew on a shuttle mission last summer, mostly kept her head down during the preliminary appearance in an Orange County, Fla. court, but nodded and said yes a few times when the judge explained that she was not to have any contact with the other woman, identified as Colleen Shipman, a captain in the Air Force, according to media reports.

Nowak, who is a Navy captain working for NASA, was also ordered to wear a tracking device.

The Orlando police allege that Nowak drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando wearing adult diapers used in space and disguised herself in a dark wig, glasses and trench coat to confront Shipman in the parking lot of Orlando International Airport, according to a police affidavit. Nowak considered her a rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut, Bill Oefelein, according to the affidavit.

The Orlando police said that Nowak followed Shipman to a parking lot at the airport, where Shipman entered her car. Nowak approached the car window and tried to open the door. When Shipman would not open the door, Nowak began to cry, the police said. Shipman cracked the window, and Nowak sprayed pepper spray into the vehicle.

She later told police, that was stupid, according to the affidavit.

Not stupid; just psycho jealous bitch behaviour.

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Crazy cross-eyed woman arrested for training squirrels to attack her ex-boyfriend

Yeah.

I’m not only crazy; I look Hollywood-stereotype crazed!

45-year old Janice Smith was arrested this morning by officers of the Detroit Police Department, for allegedly capturing numerous squirrels and training them to attack her former lover.

The victim, 51-year old James Robinson, was presumably attacked by the rodents on more than a dozen occasions over the last month.

These attacks caused him many serious injuries, including the loss of two fingers and one testicle, bitten off by his attackers.

The poor man had no idea why squirrels kept attacking him until he saw his ex-girlfriend, a former circus animal trainer, cheering the animals during one of the attacks.

“She was partially hidden behind some bushes, but I could clearly see her and hear her. She was yelling orders at the squirrels and telling them to attack me.”

(Hat tip.)

IS bans pigeon breeding – punishable by public flogging – because seeing birds’ genitals overhead offends Islam

Yeah.

Senior clerics fighting for the Islamic State in Syria and Iraq have issued a diktat banning pigeon breeding as they claim the sight of the birds’ genitals as they fly overhead is offensive to Islam.

Jihadis operating in the group’s ‘Euphrates province’, which stretches from Anbar in Iraq to Dier ez Zour in Syria, told pigeon breeders they had one week to stop the practice or face public flogging.

The announcement isn’t the first time ISIS has targeted the apparently blasphemous practice of pigeon breeding – a popular pastime in the Middle East.

Earlier this year it was claimed that 15 boys had been arrested and at least three of them executed by ISIS militants in Iraq’s eastern Diyala governate after fighters took exception to their pigeon breeding hobby on the grounds that it stopped them spending their time worshipping Allah.

The solution is clear: pigeons must be made to wear burkas, when out in public, flying around etc. In the privacy of their nests, they can be unclothed, as long as no-one else is around, to see them naked. 😉

Mr. Incredible convicted of attacking Batgirl on Hollywood Boulevard; stopped in attack by Chewbacca

Another day in L.A.

LOS ANGELES  – A man who dresses as the comic superhero Mr. Incredible has been sentenced to 3 years probation after pleading guilty to attacking a woman costumed as Batgirl in a Hollywood Boulevard turf dispute, prosecutors said on Tuesday.

Muhammet Bilik, 35, was also ordered to attend anger management therapy, perform 20 days of roadside cleanup and stay away from the so-called Hollywood Entertainment District where the spat erupted.

Man smashed up psychic girlfriend’s car after prophecy his grandma would use a sex toy on him in a dream

Okay…

A man has been accused of smashing up his psychic girlfriend’s car after she predicted he would fantasise about his dead gran using a sex toy on him.

Casey Molter took exception to his mystic partner’s latest premonition, detailed in a police report.

She prophesized that his late grandmother would appear to him in a dream and “commit an unusual sex act to him involving an adult erotic device”.

Police claim that the 28-year-old “could not get the image out of his head and he snapped,” smashing up her 1997 Nissan Altima in an alleged retribution.

Officers rushed to a house in Vero Beach, Florida, in November last year, when alerted to the alleged incident.

Oh, Florida.

Of course.

Man Shows Up for Mugshot Wearing Previous Mugshot on His Shirt

Points for style. 🙂

So you’ve just been arrested, and you’re wondering what you should wear when you’re booked into jail. Worry not, as there’s one surefire way to nail it with style and grace: just wear any old shirt, but print the mugshot from a previous arrest on the front. You’ll knock ’em out.

Take Robert Burt, for example, a 19-year old who began a short sentence for drunken driving earlier this month. When he showed up to be processed, he wore a smart orange tee—a little baggy in the shoulders, maybe—with his arrest photo, from June, on the front.